Exporting Crystal Reports into a legible, formatted Excel document

Don't.  Don't get me started.  You may as well ask me to turn lead into gold (which, ironically, I do know how to do - that's easy by comparisson). 

There is no easy way.

What you have is two completely separate and incompatible products whose only common theme is that they both hold data.  It would be like trying to word process in MS Paint (actually a funny story about my 7yr old daughter...another time).

'But there is an export function' I here you wimper.  Press it, see what happens.  At best, it is a rough approximation of the Crystal Report where it has put in a zillion columns and rows to mimic the formatting. (Bless, look it's trying to be helpful)  The problem here is that the primary reason you want it in Excel is to change stuff; add formulas, move stuff around etc. However, with all of this "formatting" it has made a dogs dinner of things and you may as well have typed it all in by hand.  The worst case is that it ramdanglifies the formatting in addition to the negative points above, so it is useless and not pretty.

If you are hell bent on accomplishing anything fancy then I suggest you export the data as csv, import this into MS Excel (or whatever) and use macros to handle the formatting.  (I have had quite good success in the past using this method).  Anything else is just overambitious ignorance and let me spare you the pain.

This is probably of not much use, however I am afraid to say that it is the truth.